I miss when love felt easy. When love was with out thought and with out fear. I miss when love felt as pure and as straightforward as respiration, when the whole lot we did and the whole lot we mentioned was out of affection, with out having to make it so.
I miss when love was not a listing of explanation why I ought to keep and why I ought to go, neither of them profitable, neither of them making sense. I miss when love was not snarled in resentment and harm, and anger. When love was not a battle about who was proper and who was unsuitable after we talked about issues brazenly and calmly as a result of being collectively was extra necessary to us than who had gained the combat. I miss when love was not a spot to fireplace photographs at my already uncooked wounds once you didn’t say belongings you knew would make me unravel. I miss when hate was not dressed up as love simply to justify your need to tug me aside.
I miss when love was not a sport of secrets and techniques when I needed to play detective to uncover your newest crime. I miss once you instructed me issues earlier than I found them, I miss when there was by no means something to find within the first place. I miss when your cellphone didn’t really feel like a loaded weapon when it didn’t really feel like one thing which might go off and rip my total world aside. I miss when feminine names didn’t really feel like stab wounds to my chest when I was not satisfied you needed to fuck her or already had. I miss calmness inside my physique as a substitute of this twisting, sickening feeling like I’m hurtling in the direction of the bottom.
I miss when love was not dreading come house from work to the home which makes me really feel trapped and suffocated when I am afraid of what I would possibly say or do to piss you off. Why am I at all times pissing you off? I miss when your physique felt like security, like shelter, moderately than the factor I should disguise from. I miss when your lips on mine despatched fireworks bouncing round my physique, setting my pores and skin alight, as a substitute of constructing me really feel conflicted. I miss once you had been the reply to each query, not the one creating them.
I miss when love felt easy. When love was precisely what I had spent my complete life figuring out it to be. I miss when love was simply happiness and contentment when our love was the definition of the phrase. I miss when I knew that what I felt and what we shared was love. It was simpler that means, sure, concrete. Love meant you and me eternally, for at all times.
But now, I’m unsure what love is, I’m not even positive it lives with us anymore. I miss when love was not tears and screaming arguments, and slamming doorways. When love was not locking myself within the lavatory and sobbing a lot my chest felt as if it’d collapse. When love was not you serving up each perceived flaw and delivering it to me time and again, just like the extra you do it, the much less it should harm.
I miss when love was not this, not hurtful, not ache, not dates set sooner or later when I persuade myself I’ll be capable to depart. I miss when love felt like love, like flying, like freedom. I miss when love didn’t really feel like a knife carving away at me, taking items of me, making me come aside.
I miss when love felt easy.