You by no means returned the eye given to you. You glanced at my texts — texts that took me endlessly to work up the braveness to ship — and responded with one-word solutions. Sometimes you didn’t even trouble to answer in any respect.
You left me sitting there, questioning whether or not you had been busy and I ought to patiently wait so that you can reply on the finish of your shift at work or whether or not you had been already bored by the subject of dialog and I ought to rapidly provide you with a technique to resurrect it.
I spent extra time on you than you understand. I dressed up with the plan of posting footage of myself, hoping you’ll see. Hoping it might nudge you to provoke the dialog for a change.
I fought so that you can acknowledge my existence — and it solely labored half the time.
Even on the uncommon evenings if you would reply my texts, once we had been deep in dialog, I’d surprise how for much longer till you grew bored and pulled your disappearing act once more. I’d consistently be nervous about sending the mistaken message and making you shut down.
The nights we spent bantering till midnight had been the worst as a result of they renewed my hopes of changing into yours. We clearly had a connection. There had been sparks flying between us. We might discuss for hours. But solely if you needed to speak. Most of the time you didn’t need something to do with me — however I had a tough time accepting that.
I appreciated you a lot that I assumed you have to have shared my emotions. It didn’t really feel one-sided on the nights we spent speaking — however the nights you spent ignoring me made it completely clear you cared about me lower than I cared about you.
I saved chasing you, although. I believed texting you and complimenting you and interesting to your ego would change your thoughts about me. No matter what number of occasions you ignored me, I didn’t wish to hand over on you. Part of me nonetheless needs to cling on in spite of everything this time. But I do know you might be dangerous for my psychological well being.
Chasing you deepened my insecurities. It drained my power. It ignited my abandonment points.
Every time you ignored me, each time you scrolled handed one among my posts, each time you noticed my identify in your cellphone and failed to reply, you made me really feel nugatory. You made me query whether or not anybody would ever need me. You made me hate myself a little bit extra every day.
Chasing after you, and getting nothing in return, messed with my thoughts.
It made me cringe on the mirror. It made the little voice at the back of my head use phrases like ugly and boring and ineffective.
I needed you to like me however you solely made me love myself much less.
I do know you don’t owe me something for my kindness, but it surely sucks that I spent a lot time chasing after you and you continue to need nothing to do with me. It sucks that our love story was one-sided all alongside.