I’ll be the primary to confess that I feel being a fuckgirl and a fuckboy have completely different meanings, however whereas most of us are in all probability cringing on the time period “fuckgirl”, I feel extra of us have been one than we’re prepared to confess. So, I’ll break it down for you… right here’s a short historical past of being a fuckgirl.
I used to be coping with plenty of emotional shit. I used to be hurting. Period, level clean. When I feel again on a few of my fuckgirl-ish methods, there was one factor that every one the actions had in widespread. I did them as a result of it made me really feel higher. No, that doesn’t make it proper, however that’s the reality. I needed to undertake a really egocentric mentality. I didn’t fear about how my actions affected the opposite occasion–solely the way it made me really feel… glad.
I’ll not have been utilizing guys for intercourse, however there was one thing I needed out of them. For me personally, I wasn’t a fuckgirl in the way in which that many discuss with a fuckboy. I wasn’t utilizing anyone for intercourse. Maybe free dinners and dates–or different foolish purchases I didn’t need to make myself–but when I had intercourse with them, it was often because I needed to. Sex isn’t empty for me, so it was a selection and I need to be clear about that. When I used a man it was merely to get one thing that I didn’t need to present for myself from my very own assets.
My primary rule was to by no means declare a man. I saved my head above water by by no means committing. When you’re single, you are able to do what you need with none penalties so long as you’re being sincere and protected. That’s the way in which I noticed issues then and I’d be mendacity if I stated I don’t nonetheless really feel the identical about that proper now. When I went via my fuckgirl part, I used to be sincere with the blokes, however I attempted to verify they weren’t individuals who’d ever run into one another randomly, ? I imply, I didn’t have time for the drama and I didn’t care to harm anybody’s emotions deliberately.
I used to be a savage, however I nonetheless felt dangerous once I broke a coronary heart. Now, I’m utilizing the phrase savage as a result of that’s what most individuals stated after they requested me about the way in which I operated throughout this time in my life. I didn’t personally really feel like a savage as a result of like I stated, I didn’t need to damage anyone… I simply needed to make me glad. No matter what. I hated once I discovered I damage greater than a man’s ego. A damaged coronary heart was by no means my inspiration or intent.
I wasn’t a fuckgirl to get again at anybody. There was by no means a motive behind my actions that was directed towards anybody else. I do know I preserve saying that quite a bit, however I need to be clear that these had been choices that I made, for me and solely me. I wouldn’t dare give a man who broke my coronary heart the satisfaction of pondering that I used to be doing something due to him–particularly issues that made me glad–as a result of though it was sort of shitty, the fact of all of it was that it did make me glad.
I actually did need love, I simply knew I wasn’t prepared for it. At the top of the day, positive, I nonetheless needed to seek out love, however I knew I wasn’t prepared for it. But did that imply that I couldn’t have somewhat enjoyable within the meantime? Eghh, in all probability shouldn’t have in order that I may’ve healed, however on the time I didn’t see it that method.
It doesn’t final endlessly. I may be sincere about it as a result of it’s a factor of the previous. A historical past. When you are taking the suitable steps to heal all of the bullshit that hinders you from pondering clearly, you’re capable of open your self up once more. And in doing that, the need to behave in fuckgirl-ish methods leaves you since you begin to get again to a psychological and emotional state of being that merely doesn’t assist that shit. I discovered quite a bit about myself and males throughout my fuckgirl part and I wouldn’t have modified the expertise if I may have, however I’m glad it’s over now in order that I may share the historical past with you.